RachelMills (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} rachelmills) wrote,@ 2006-07-01 19:07:00 |
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Postscript to the last entry...
I left off some things I thought I should address...
11. Hit me once, shame on you. Hit me twice, shame on me. Don't stick around if a relationship becomes violent. I make it explicitly clear that no man gets a second chance to hit me. Your apology may be accepted, but my bags won't be coming back to the house. I'm no one's victim, and once a man starts down that road, forget it, its over. Check, please. Men can be battered too, so vice versa. The same applies. I've never been hit a first time, btw.
12. Fight fair. Don't name-call, don't resort to ad-hominem remarks, avoid using attacks that start with absolutes like "You always..." It's an exaggeration and you know it. Don't compare a woman to her mother in a negative way, or a man to his father. It can be really below the belt, depending on the situation. Just argue when you are calm and rational and believe that your SO wants to work it out and understand your perspective. Thus, most of your statements should start with "I feel that..." because you are explaining your perspective. If they really don't give a crap about your perspective you're probably in the wrong relationship and screaming isn't going to make a difference.
13. Sex. This is one I really haven't figured out for myself, but I will tell you what I do know. And that is it is nearly impossible to perfectly match libidos. Most of the time, guys have a higher libido, but not always. People have to compromise. The higher libido partner needs to just have patience and the lower libido partner has to suck it up and put out more often than they might want to. But don't act bored or like you're not having fun. There are plenty of people out there who will have fun with your mate in your place. Both people have to compromise. You have to figure out what your partner wants and what you want. And its really hard to read people's minds, so figure it out, and then figure out how to get the message to them.
I left off some things I thought I should address...
11. Hit me once, shame on you. Hit me twice, shame on me. Don't stick around if a relationship becomes violent. I make it explicitly clear that no man gets a second chance to hit me. Your apology may be accepted, but my bags won't be coming back to the house. I'm no one's victim, and once a man starts down that road, forget it, its over. Check, please. Men can be battered too, so vice versa. The same applies. I've never been hit a first time, btw.
12. Fight fair. Don't name-call, don't resort to ad-hominem remarks, avoid using attacks that start with absolutes like "You always..." It's an exaggeration and you know it. Don't compare a woman to her mother in a negative way, or a man to his father. It can be really below the belt, depending on the situation. Just argue when you are calm and rational and believe that your SO wants to work it out and understand your perspective. Thus, most of your statements should start with "I feel that..." because you are explaining your perspective. If they really don't give a crap about your perspective you're probably in the wrong relationship and screaming isn't going to make a difference.
13. Sex. This is one I really haven't figured out for myself, but I will tell you what I do know. And that is it is nearly impossible to perfectly match libidos. Most of the time, guys have a higher libido, but not always. People have to compromise. The higher libido partner needs to just have patience and the lower libido partner has to suck it up and put out more often than they might want to. But don't act bored or like you're not having fun. There are plenty of people out there who will have fun with your mate in your place. Both people have to compromise. You have to figure out what your partner wants and what you want. And its really hard to read people's minds, so figure it out, and then figure out how to get the message to them.
